Tag Archives: peace

Resurfacing…

It has been over a YEAR since I posted. It seems hard to believe that, but it is true. This year has been beyond description—the things that really matter have been underground, wordless, shapeless. I have tried to describe them to others, but I find that the only way someone understands is if they have had the same sort of experiences in their lives.

Mysterious healing of old wounds and rifts. Moments of deep depression and anxiety. Experiences of the rightness of the entire journey. Accepting that I am loved beyond measure; recognizing that we all are. Surrendering to trust in the Mystery: it prescribes the perfect journey for me. No other path is needed.

As I emerge, it is indeed like that well-worn metaphor of the caterpillar and the butterfly. Without longing for the cycle to cease, I trust the arising and also the descent. Light and dark. The great blessing of being human.  To be caterpillar and butterfly, and then again—caterpillar, butterfly. Every day, til the heart stops beating, the cycle will carry me, sing to me, call me home to my own heart. It’s not a place of perfect joy. It’s a place of emotional range and brilliant experience.

Hello. Welcome back to my blog. And welcome home to your life. How’s things with you?

sweet surrender

Ahhhh. That is how I feel right now. Accepting what is. The ups and downs. The flowing, changing world inside and outside of my being. My heart is stretching and finding a new shape. A softer path before me, a home inside the world.

The storm of the weeks after the Summit has subsided. In its wake, I found something I’ve sought for a long, long time: peace. Ironically, the peace I’m experiencing is not a state I have attained. It is not a state at all…it is a surrender. A letting go.

There is no longer a sense that I have to be some way, or some one, that I have to show up in a good-looking outfit with my hair just so, in order to be liked. I finally understand something crucial: the more authentic I am in any interaction, in any moment—the more people respond to me, appreciate me, know me and are moved by me. It is one of my roles in this life: to speak of the struggle and to bring it into the light. Everyone struggles. Everyone.

Welcome to the struggle of life. The peace we seek is within us, yes, but not like we generally have thought of it. It cannot be earned, like a good grade; it cannot be controlled. Peace is the boat on the ocean. It goes where the ocean goes.

Hafiz, great sufi poet, said: “Where you are right now, God circled on a map for you.”

Trust the living map of life as it unfolds before you. Know that the life you are living IS the “spiritual path.” Whether you recognize it or not, whether it matches your pictures or not. There is no where to go, no clothes to wear, no practices to adopt that will make you enlightened. Getting enlightened is not the goal, which is a good thing, because it, like peace, is also not attainable.

Surrender. Breathe. Come home to the heart, and live there. Let the heart listen to the soul, the connection to the god of your understanding. Let the heart be the instrument of seeing, and let the body-mind be ever in service to the heart.

This may not make sense, you may not have read this far. But if you have, thank you. I hope these words reach somewhere in you, that they bring you some amount of rest and peace. For me, the journey continues. I’m in search of a new home, and will be house sitting for the next 3 weeks or so in some lovely places. I am blessed; truly blessed.

I have followed my heart to Austin and here I am. I don’t know what the future holds; I have no plans beyond December. The only promise in following my heart is that I will then dwell in my heart. Which is plenty enough reward for this one.

Forgiveness

Today I realized that February is about forgiveness. This coming month, the theme and motivation and primary action of my life is to forgive. First of all, myself. And then anyone else I’ve ever blamed. And then the god of my understanding. And then the corporations, the republicans, the polluters, the species-extincters, my mother, my father, my siblings, my friends, that guy who cut me off the other day at the intersection of River and Water in downtown Santa Cruz. Everyone. And then, again, most of all, myself.

Rumi:
Come, Come, whoever you are!
Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving.
Come. This is not a caravan of despair.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve broken your vow
a thousand times,
still come,
and yet again, Come!
(translated by Coleman Barks)

Day Two

I said I’m going to blog every day. Here’s the next day of blogging. Here I go. See me going?

Actually, blogging yesterday was quite amazing and helpful. I felt pretty good after I got done and it kicked me in the butt to get out the house and keep moving. That helps a lot.

So, I went and got my dog, Jake, who lives with other people now, and took him to the beach. That was super fun for him because he ran and ran and for me because I took photos of him running and running and it was just lovely there.

Then I had dinner with my friend, Dresden who is a poet and a friend from Mount Madonna Center and from the Global Youth Peace Summit. A kindred spirit. An inspiring voice.

I feel blessed this morning. Reminded that if you don’t like the weather in San Francisco (or my own mind), wait a few minutes. Or walk a few blocks.

Some photos I took at a silent morning activity at the Global Youth Peace Summit last month:

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with love

just a quick post
to say I’m alive and well

Last week I volunteered at the Global Youth Peace Summit, outside Austin, TX, USA. It was a fantastically heart-opening experience and I’m feeling the after-affects. I’m sad to be on my way back to California, and I miss being at the Summit, a global village of support, healing, and love. It’s hard to explain what it’s like, but one of the other volunteers said it’s like “boot camp for your heart.” Mine has probably grown 10 times it’s size and capacity in just one week.

I was honored to be able to volunteer as a photographer and as the coordinator of the food love team’s schedule. (Food love = hard work in the kitchen.)

The youth come from refugee, immigrant, and insulated suburban communities in the Austin area, and some from other states, and a few from other countries. This year we had an Israeli girl and two Israeli-Palestinian girls from a peace organization in Israel. Heart-opening, healing, seeing and being seen, listening and being heard.

I made a video of some of the photos taken by me and three other photographers. You can see it here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cG2JUwRy2iA

I hope it captures even a bit of the magic and love of that experience. Also, the second song on the video was written by one of the youth and recorded by him and two others at the summit last week.

I myself am trying to fundraise $1000 or more to help the Amala Foundation create the Summit. My minimum is $325 and I’m still short of that. If you feel inspired to help out, please donate here:

https://www.giveplanet.com/uma