Tag Archives: Canon 30D

sweet surrender

Ahhhh. That is how I feel right now. Accepting what is. The ups and downs. The flowing, changing world inside and outside of my being. My heart is stretching and finding a new shape. A softer path before me, a home inside the world.

The storm of the weeks after the Summit has subsided. In its wake, I found something I’ve sought for a long, long time: peace. Ironically, the peace I’m experiencing is not a state I have attained. It is not a state at all…it is a surrender. A letting go.

There is no longer a sense that I have to be some way, or some one, that I have to show up in a good-looking outfit with my hair just so, in order to be liked. I finally understand something crucial: the more authentic I am in any interaction, in any moment—the more people respond to me, appreciate me, know me and are moved by me. It is one of my roles in this life: to speak of the struggle and to bring it into the light. Everyone struggles. Everyone.

Welcome to the struggle of life. The peace we seek is within us, yes, but not like we generally have thought of it. It cannot be earned, like a good grade; it cannot be controlled. Peace is the boat on the ocean. It goes where the ocean goes.

Hafiz, great sufi poet, said: “Where you are right now, God circled on a map for you.”

Trust the living map of life as it unfolds before you. Know that the life you are living IS the “spiritual path.” Whether you recognize it or not, whether it matches your pictures or not. There is no where to go, no clothes to wear, no practices to adopt that will make you enlightened. Getting enlightened is not the goal, which is a good thing, because it, like peace, is also not attainable.

Surrender. Breathe. Come home to the heart, and live there. Let the heart listen to the soul, the connection to the god of your understanding. Let the heart be the instrument of seeing, and let the body-mind be ever in service to the heart.

This may not make sense, you may not have read this far. But if you have, thank you. I hope these words reach somewhere in you, that they bring you some amount of rest and peace. For me, the journey continues. I’m in search of a new home, and will be house sitting for the next 3 weeks or so in some lovely places. I am blessed; truly blessed.

I have followed my heart to Austin and here I am. I don’t know what the future holds; I have no plans beyond December. The only promise in following my heart is that I will then dwell in my heart. Which is plenty enough reward for this one.

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At the Carnival Part Two

A few weeks back I posted a few photos from this carnival in Oakland. I was on my way home to Santa Cruz from a memorial service and feeling very sad…the sky was dramatic, threatening, and somehow extremely precious and loving.

This is the second installment of photos. Eventually, there should be one more. Click any photo to open a gallery you can scroll through.

All That’s Left

It’s late. Later than usual, for me. Outside, the full moon transits over my house. And yours. Everyone’s house is covered by the moonlight tonight.

I sit at this desk, in this house, typing on this keyboard. There is a sudden clarity, a clear light, a relief. Miraculous, instantaneous. I am ok.

It sounds like a 70s self-help book. But it’s not. It’s just the lifting of darkness, the rising of the moon, the startling recognition of the simplicity of being. When the sun went down, I was confused. Now, in the middle of the night, that confusion has melted and all that’s left is all that is. Moonrise. Sunset.

Let the Beauty We Love Be What We Do

Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty

and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study

and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.

 Let the beauty we love be what we do.

There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

And so…I begin.

Sit in silence as the sun rises.

Listen to that stuck-ness somewhere inside and don’t hate it. Let it be.

Wash my hair.

Write a poem.

Laugh with a friend.

Cry at a movie.

Cry listening to NPR.

Wish for magic.

Believe in unicorns.

Read Rumi.

Laugh.

Grayscale

A small selection of my photographs.

I’m learning photoshop, and recently practiced turning these images from color to grayscale (i.e., black and white).

You should be able to click on any photograph to open a gallery view of all the photos. Then you can scroll through them full-screen. Please let me know if that does not work.

twirling bright

In late November, my friend Jennifer came over for a photo shoot for the portrait project I did for my black and white film class. I had my digital camera with me as well. As we were exploring the creek behind my house. Jennifer thought of going up into this lighted area at the top of the bank, while I stayed below and shot up into the  bright sun. I ran out of film right as she got to the top (I did use one photo of her going up the hill for my film project) but it was such an amazing photo op that I was super glad I had the digital right there. If we’d run back to my cottage to get film, the sun would have moved by the time we returned. The backlight created some amazing effects. I hope you enjoy them as much as we did!

(Also, will you let me know how the loading process was and if it took a long time? I got them as small as I could figure out but they are still pretty large.)

twirling...
right through her heart
fly away
blessings